Whoops, My Bad: My Life as a Screw-Up

I’ve always said that if I were to publish an autobiography, it would be called, “Whoops, My Bad.” while I probably haven’t messed up nearly as badly as some people, I’ve definitely had my fair share of, “What the hell was I thinking” moments.

Mistakes are interesting. You constantly hear that everyone makes them, but you still get in trouble for ones that you make. And most of the time when you look back at them, you can see that it was a terrible decision. But I mean, hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

I can remember one of my earliest screw-ups. (Well, early screw-up that I deliberately executed, not like when you stick your finger in an electric socket at age 4. Mistake? Yes. Deliberate? Not so much.)  I was in 4th or 5th grade, and once a week, I attended a class for ‘gifted’ children. We were just a group of kids that had done well on this weird test in 3rd grade. I guess they were grooming us to be the next leaders of the free world. Anyways, this class was at another school, so we’d be bused over in the morning, do Sudoku and cryptograms all day, and then be shipped back just in time for our parents to pick us up. That day in class, we were working with glitter. Why? No idea. Seems like a big lapse in judgement to give a bunch of 10-year-old’s glitter. We were given free reign with this stuff so, as all young children do, I decided to dump it everywhere. I mixed a ton of colors together, creating this brownish monstrosity of a pile on the table in front of me. I then found an empty glitter tube and scooped it all in there. I was very proud of myself, feeling like a creative, inventive youth with a future in glitter creation. When it was time to return our supplies and pack up for the day, I was heartbroken by the idea that I had to return the crime scene of sparkle that I had created, so I did the most logical thing that my tiny brain could think of: I stole it.

Now, while stealing a small tube of glitter may not seem like a big  deal now, it was huge then. I was a thief! And not like a Robin Hood, take from rich to give to poor thief. I was a selfish thief. I was also a stereotypical ‘good kid’. Good grades, did chores, etc. My heart was racing all the way back to my school, afraid the teacher would realize what I had done and would call the police, or worse: my parents. But as I climbed into my babysitters car after school, I was feeling good. 1. I didn’t get caught and 2. I had a brand new tube of some badass glitter. I continued to ride my thieving high , as my mom picked me up from my sitter’s, took me home, and began settling in for the night. Everything was great until about 6. My stepdad comes into the room and says that my sitter had found a trail of glitter from her car to her house. I had literally left a trail of crime in my path. Apparently the bottle had spilled open in my bag and been leaking since I’d been picked up from school. After that, I quickly admitted my crime. I’d done it. I was the glitter snatcher. I was scolded, punished and mentally convinced that I would never break a rule again (I broke many, but those are for other posts.)

All-in-all, it wasn’t the worst theft ever. I didn’t steal money, or an item from a store. But I had messed up. Betrayed people’s trust, etc. I had to go to my teacher and admit my crime (which she really didn’t give a shit about, but whatever). And while the experience taught me some things, did it teach me to stop making mistakes? Not at all. A lot of mistakes are super fun to make. They lead to memories, lessons learned and some great adrenaline rushes. So here’s to my thieving 10-year-old self, and to all the mistakes I made after that.



13 thoughts on “Whoops, My Bad: My Life as a Screw-Up

  1. I like your writing style, very easy to get drawn in. Alot of times I struggle to make it through people’s posts because I just don’t get drawn in, but in your case I breezed right through it. Also, brought back memories of my youth due to also being in a gifted class when I was young, except ours met in what I initially thought was a secret room for us but later realized was just the auditorium stage with the curtains drawn. I also went through a bad phase of stealing things at a slightly older age… Forget exactly when, don’t know how it happened but it began small with candy and such and then I escalated to cd players and things when I was feeling really bold.

    I Just recently made a pretty substantial mistake… Like the kind involving jail and what not that I’ll be dealing with for quite some time. I agree that mistakes definitely teach you alot, and a life without them would be quite boring I think. As much as I wish daily I could go back and undo this one, I have to admit if I’m honest that it opened my eyes to the fact that I was going down a pretty dangerous road and am scared to think about where it could have ended had I not made said mistake that landed me in jail. It was an eye opener for me. And since it happened I’ve made pretty dramatic changes in my life that I otherwise would not have made.

    My brother used to say the only mistake is one you don’t learn from. And that’s the thing, life doesn’t come with an instruction manual… The best way we have to learn is truly through mistakes. The person afraid to make mistakes is the person doomed to inaction, because inevitably if you act you will eventually make a mistake.

    Anyway I’m rambling now which I tend to do when I finally find a blog with posts I enjoy…glad you found mine. I’m trying to get motivated to get back into it after a long break so hope to see more from you.


      • Yes, this does appear to be your first post, which leaves me wondering how you acquired 661 Followers in 2 days. Lol. If that reflects reality, there are probably some people here who would pay to know the secret of How You Did It. Maybe that could be your third post. You could title it Whoops, My Not Bad, Not Bad at All…


      • If it means each of your FB friends will automatically receive notice of your posts, I think I’d be inclined to leave them connected. Your writing is disarming, entertaining, and skilled. There are bound to be several who will become regular readers. It is also possible that having that high a following will attract more people here more quickly. I trust you already know the tried and true way — read and comment, follow, and engage with those who comment on your posts. It looks to me like you’re well on your way to success. You know what they say about fixing things that aren’t broken… 🙂


  2. I am a dude so I am genetically predisposed to screw up…it’s what we do. However I do apologize for things I didn’t even do, crazy I know. The more I try to change the more mistakes I make. Life is about trial and error.

    Liked by 1 person

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