Feeling Myself (kinda) 

I realized I was a chubby kid in elementary school.  I’d never thought about things like weight or body image before then.  I was a kid.  But in fifth grade I wanted to be friends with some girls I sat next to. They slid me a note that informed me that if I wanted to be friends with them I’d have to wear tighter clothes. Because F+A+T.     So yeah, that was a little rough. 

After that, middle school came. Then high school.  Weight was always in the back of my mind. Other girls hit puberty faster than I did.  They got taller, sharper. I filled out too, of course.  And I dated.  Felt beautiful. But there was always something there.  Even to this day, at 20, I still feel it.  Even in a loving relationship, I still feel it, occasionally asking him if he really does think I’m pretty.     

 There’s so much promotion today of self love.  But that can be hard.  It isn’t a simple task to just say “Whatever” to the parts of yourself that you don’t like.  It’s never fun to realize you’re the biggest girl in the room. 

Some days I feel great. Sexy, confident, ready to conquer the world.   And other days, I don’t.  I notice everything I don’t like about myself: the bags under my eyes, the stretch marks on my stomach. I see the filtered faces of beautiful people on Facebook and Instagram and I get sad, self-loathing.

Being confident in yourself is hard.  It’s okay to not feel great.  It’s okay to wear one-pieces instead of bikinis if you feel better in them.  At the same time, it’s okay to dress how you want. It’s okay to wear a crop top even if you have a little extra in the middle. Your body is yours, to do with and feel about however you please.  

Today, I don’t feel great.    Tomorrow, I hopefully will. Loving myself is a day to day task.     Love yourselves today, dearies.  You are beautiful xx. 


5 thoughts on “Feeling Myself (kinda) 

  1. Hey, Kourney!

    I’m loving your blog (followed!) but I would also like to invite you to submit a short piece to my own. I think your perspective and style of writing would be a perfect piece for my project.

    It’d also be a great way to get your blog/writing out there.

    Please feel free to email me (jennifer@youngandtwenty) with more questions, or take a look at the ‘BEING Young & Twenty’ page on my blog.

    I hope I’ll hear from you 🙂



    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Kourtney. I absolutely loved this blog post and can relate to a lot of your posts. I’m almost 23, and I feel the same feelings you’ve felt much of your life. There are still days where I feel like I’m not good enough. I had the same struggles in middle school too, but I’ve found that inner happiness and loving ourselves come from forgetting about all those things that make us feel that way. It’s definitely a struggle, but it’s worth it in the end. I talk about this stuff a lot on my blog too if you ever want to check it out! Have a great Sunday! 🙂


  3. Yes, yes, yes! This is perfect. In the end, people should know that it’s okay to feel however you want to feel. There should be no shaming of people who are insecure, or people who are super confident. Everyone is both at different times. Hopefully we can help people ultimately accept themselves and be happy how they are, whatever their body type is. And acknowledging that acceptance of your body is hard, depending on your body type and society’s norms/judgments of that body type, is so important.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Omg I soo feel you here!Reading this I could actually imagine myself.
    Someday I love my curves and someday they are pain in my a**.
    I am happy you are comfortable I your own skin, I have not yet got there.

    Liked by 1 person

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